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After heavy debate and real life kicking in, I was finally able to post the following on my linkshell forum. This is what I feel about the game.
Hey guys, it's me. ^^; Thought I should make a post as to why I just vanished the way I did. I didn't intend to go out like that, it just kind of happened. Truth is in the last month I have A) Started a second job with much more demanding hours, B) Moved back into my parents house, and C) Had a pretty bad case of shingles (see wikipedia if you don't know what it is). Before that I had a kidney infection and both of those are brought on by stress and I needed to stop making myself sick over things I could control. It started out as just not logging on while sick, but then worked kicked back in and most of the time I'm not working I'm sleeping and the little free time I have is dedicated to working on my book for a competition that could get me a $25,000 publishing contract. The only real free time I have now is late at night and I don't know how much if any use I could be in the wee hours of the morning.
The reality is you guys are my friends and my family. I miss you, but there are some things I don't miss. The drama, the stress, the guilt I would put on myself because I just did not have the time nor energy to put into the game like I used to, I don't miss any of that, but you guys, the people I've known for coming up on 4 years. You guys were the reason I came back in May after "the incident" when my entire life was falling apart. After that I never really got my fire or my passion back for playing. I don't know, I tried to dedicate myself like I used, I really did, but it just wasn't there anymore. The times when I enjoyed playing were few and far between that it stopped feeling like a game. A game is defined as something you do for amusement and if you aren't being amused or having fun it's not a game anymore. Maybe I've just become jaded or maybe I've been spoiled to do everything more or less easily with a great number of people.
I guess in the end it comes down to having fun and the LS was getting too serious for me to feel that way anymore. I felt like people were asking me to put my real life, my real dreams and future even, on hold so I could sit at my computer for three hours and camp a dragon. That pixelated dragon wasn't going to edit my book for me, send said book out to get published, pay my bills, or let me have a place in the world. In the end that dragon was nothing more than a picture on the screen and the gear it dropped was not going to help me attain the happiness I so desperately seek.
So I never say never, I don't know if I'll play end game again or not, the only thing I have plans for right now is helping my little brother get on his feet again. Aside from that I really only have time for work and extreme late nights. I know that there are some of you that wanted me out of the LS for whatever reason so I guess you're getting what you want. I don't see how me showing up and saying hi every few weeks would hurt anyone since I'm certainly not getting gear and I would like an easy means of keeping communication with the people that I miss, but if you want to smash my pearl the next time I log in I guess that's up to you. And if you want to delete me again off of the boards I guess I can't stop you from doing that either, despite that I was on quite frequently to see how things were going since I do think about you guys.
I don't like "goodbyes," I think they are kind of pointless since you never know when you're going to end up in a similar situation again with the same people, but I guess this is more of a "see you around." I don't know what life will throw at me in one week, one month, or six months and if that path will lead me into the world of Vana'Diel and possibly even the arms of my linkshell, but know that despite the bad times and the tears I have shed I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world. You guys were a major part of my life for almost four years and I was fortunate enough to watch us grow from a sky LS that wiped to fafnir that was considered a joke to one of the most respected and capable linkshells on the entire server. And even if I have to end on a sour note I won't resent any of you for it.
After all, it's just a game.
So I guess that's all I have to say.
Hey guys, it's me. ^^; Thought I should make a post as to why I just vanished the way I did. I didn't intend to go out like that, it just kind of happened. Truth is in the last month I have A) Started a second job with much more demanding hours, B) Moved back into my parents house, and C) Had a pretty bad case of shingles (see wikipedia if you don't know what it is). Before that I had a kidney infection and both of those are brought on by stress and I needed to stop making myself sick over things I could control. It started out as just not logging on while sick, but then worked kicked back in and most of the time I'm not working I'm sleeping and the little free time I have is dedicated to working on my book for a competition that could get me a $25,000 publishing contract. The only real free time I have now is late at night and I don't know how much if any use I could be in the wee hours of the morning.
The reality is you guys are my friends and my family. I miss you, but there are some things I don't miss. The drama, the stress, the guilt I would put on myself because I just did not have the time nor energy to put into the game like I used to, I don't miss any of that, but you guys, the people I've known for coming up on 4 years. You guys were the reason I came back in May after "the incident" when my entire life was falling apart. After that I never really got my fire or my passion back for playing. I don't know, I tried to dedicate myself like I used, I really did, but it just wasn't there anymore. The times when I enjoyed playing were few and far between that it stopped feeling like a game. A game is defined as something you do for amusement and if you aren't being amused or having fun it's not a game anymore. Maybe I've just become jaded or maybe I've been spoiled to do everything more or less easily with a great number of people.
I guess in the end it comes down to having fun and the LS was getting too serious for me to feel that way anymore. I felt like people were asking me to put my real life, my real dreams and future even, on hold so I could sit at my computer for three hours and camp a dragon. That pixelated dragon wasn't going to edit my book for me, send said book out to get published, pay my bills, or let me have a place in the world. In the end that dragon was nothing more than a picture on the screen and the gear it dropped was not going to help me attain the happiness I so desperately seek.
So I never say never, I don't know if I'll play end game again or not, the only thing I have plans for right now is helping my little brother get on his feet again. Aside from that I really only have time for work and extreme late nights. I know that there are some of you that wanted me out of the LS for whatever reason so I guess you're getting what you want. I don't see how me showing up and saying hi every few weeks would hurt anyone since I'm certainly not getting gear and I would like an easy means of keeping communication with the people that I miss, but if you want to smash my pearl the next time I log in I guess that's up to you. And if you want to delete me again off of the boards I guess I can't stop you from doing that either, despite that I was on quite frequently to see how things were going since I do think about you guys.
I don't like "goodbyes," I think they are kind of pointless since you never know when you're going to end up in a similar situation again with the same people, but I guess this is more of a "see you around." I don't know what life will throw at me in one week, one month, or six months and if that path will lead me into the world of Vana'Diel and possibly even the arms of my linkshell, but know that despite the bad times and the tears I have shed I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world. You guys were a major part of my life for almost four years and I was fortunate enough to watch us grow from a sky LS that wiped to fafnir that was considered a joke to one of the most respected and capable linkshells on the entire server. And even if I have to end on a sour note I won't resent any of you for it.
After all, it's just a game.
So I guess that's all I have to say.
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no subject
Date: 2008-12-11 10:32 am (UTC)From:Best wishes in your RL!
no subject
Date: 2009-01-16 12:49 pm (UTC)From:The poster ahead of me is correct to note that the 'timesink' factors present in the game, both by accident and design (though much more by design than anything else). Many, many people play MMORPGs as an escape from real life because they either suck at real life or it is just overwhelming to them and they are of a more sensitive nature. That said, we all need an escape of some bend or other in order to be functional persons, not backbiting monsters or burnt-out zombies. If you want a more spiritual angle, healthy escape helps us to refresh and find out souls. The caveat is the term 'healthy'. People so focused on the uber-1337 are just as bad as workaholics who neglect their family, friends, children and lovers, it's merely demonstrated in a different area.
I wouldn't counsel against stopping play altogether but then again I wouldn't counsel playing either; it's a choice you must make based on your own level of comfort. Personally, this will be the fourth time I have come back to Vana'diel (on the Pandemonium server for the second time) and I will be glad for the experience. Experiencing other things gave me a greater appreciation of this game and I have found ways for it to not interfere with my professional life. (Oh, not having a personal life makes this easier.) It will be fun to be back and if you consider playing again with a change of venue I recommend coming across the virtual pond to Pandemonium, perhaps a change of scenery is really what you need to enjoy the game as a game again.